Tag Archives: Relationships

“She Laughs without fear of the future” Proverbs 31:25

11 Jan

These words hit me like a slap in the face.  As I sat on my bed, overwhelmed with wedding planning, these words jumped off the wall at me.  The verse “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” is printed on wall art that hangs above the desk in my bedroom.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the worry and fear of what could happen, what might not work out and what could go wrong with wedding plans, marriage preparations, and marriage itself.  It’s so easy to get lost in the stress and caught up in the fears of something going wrong.

BUT.

The Holy Spirit stopped me quick in my tracksHe asked me to trust in GodTrust God radically and like none other.  Because when we put all of our trust in God, and trust in HIS POWER and HIS PLANS, and when we do our part to carry out God’s work in our lives, when we are STILL. AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD (and that we are imperfect and yet perfectly imperfect wonderful human beings), God is glorified.  If we allow the fear and worry to grip our minds, and when we allow the fear to creep in and take ahold of our otherwise peaceful lives, the glory is taken from God.  God does not want that.

God asks us to Trust Him for His plans are greater than ours, and when we sense that peace leaving our hearts, we must remind ourselves that God is in control.  We don’t have to be the conductor for the orchestra that directs every instrument.  We have to be that one single instrument that plays that one part, and the conductor, God, will take care of the rest.

I worry about not having enough time for planning and organizing everything for our wedding.  I worry about not having a house yet.  The fear of the future causes my head to spin “what if this happens?” “what if that happens?”  About every imaginable fear and worry runs through my head.

But for what?

What it boils down to is a lack of trust in God’s plans for my future (Jeremiah 29:11.)

My fiancé B. and I have taken classes regarding fertility and cycles, and we’ve read about St. John Paul’s II’s Theology of the Body, and we have been living as single people.  We have read books on good marriages and gotten advice from fantastic couples, and have prayed so many prayers for our future marriage.  And still I have this fear of the future.  I have been charting and watching my cycles and trying to remember to take my vitamins, exercise when I can, etc.  I dream of having children and being a wife and mother.  Oftentimes when I think of being able to be a mother someday, it makes me cry just thinking about it – in a good way – because I want it so badly.  I pray that we can have children – children who are healthy, happy and holy.  I need to trust God.

B. and I, like every other couple on the planet, are not perfect.  We mis-communicate, misunderstand each other, and assume instead of talk through things.  I am afraid of the “honeymoon phase” wearing off and “getting used to” each other.  We don’t want to ever take each other for granted.  But we do forget to say and do those things that show each other how much we love and cherish each other.  Does that mean we are failures?  No.  It means that we are human.  And thankfully, we can step back, look at the situation after the fact, and laugh at ourselves. 

“We are clothed with strength and dignity, and we laugh without fear of the future.”

Join us!

Needing To Be Needed

2 Aug

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(Photo credits are my own)

I need to be needed.  It makes me very vulnerable.

It greets me when I wake up, and kisses me goodnight when I lay down.

My heart and soul long for being needed by someone.

That I have the ability to make someone else’s day is empowering.  That I have the ability to move hearts and souls to reach for the greater things in life (virtuous living, God-centered lifestyle, serving others through charitable speech and actions, striving for the laudable career, etc.) is amazing.  One of my favorite ways to show others my love, is to serve and to share in their emotional ups and downs.  Serving others by being a listening ear, extra hands to help paint or clean a garage, a watchful eye to babysit, or to get a project done at work in a timely way – that is my way of loving others.

What I’ve realized is this: I am at the service of other people so much and in so many varied capacities, that by the end of the week, I’m spent.  And all I want is to receive a phone call, to have that friend or family member or even a stranger, ask how I’m doing, help me with projects around my house, or just be together.

It is a special feeling to receive a hug, to be told that I am beautiful, to have my hand held.  It is humbling and amazing to be told that I am enough.

I see families together, lovers sharing affectionate looks, elderly couples helping each other get around.

They need each other.  They fill each others’ needs for loving and being loved.  It’s beautiful.

I need that too.

Most of the time I avoid writing about very personal matters because more often that not, those conversations are kept between just me and God and close friends.

But this topic has been on my heart a LOT.  I need to be needed.  Not “just” by family, not “just” by friends, (I need my family and friends too, but I think you get what I mean.)  But I need to be needed by a man whom I can call “husband.”

It’s a tender topic and a fascinating one.  Adam shared the same need before he met Eve.

It is a beautiful, tender, holy, vulnerable, amazing thing.  And it is good.

A Drop in the Ocean

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