Not Alone Series: Adult Life and Staying Connected

6 Oct

NAS pic

Somehow Tuesdays sneak up on me so quickly that I end up scrambling to put my thoughts together either late the night before our discussions or the day of the discussion.  Today I’m writing on my breaks at work, and finishing up at home – thankful for a flexible workspace!

Before I begin writing on today’s topic….

Last night I had a late night at the dance studio where I take ballroom dance lessons.  I had my group formation lesson followed by my individual lesson.  After the second lesson I had a really good, deep conversation with my dance instructor and his assistant.  We talked about good versus evil, being good stewards of charity in a world that is topsey-turvey, and how we are called to witness with joy, even in the midst of the chaos and evil.  More on that later….

Now on to today’s topic!

Today we are talking about Lindsay’s new word: Adulting (definition below 🙂 )

How are you still connected to your family of origin (that’s the one you grew up in: parents, siblings, and extended family) even as you are adulting (a.k.a. living as an independent adult, at home or on your own)? How has your relationship with your parents changed as you’ve grown up? How connected are you with your extended family? What aspects of these relationships do you think are affected by your being single? How do you think your family relationships would change after marriage or entering religious life? (Thanks for the topic suggestion, Bek!)

 

Where to start?  My immediate family and I have pretty much always been really close.  We have gone through our fair share of ups and downs, but all in all, we have always been tight-knit.  I share a house with three of my sisters and we live about ten minutes from our parent’s house.  I visit my parents on a weekly/bi-weekly basis.  Quite frequently we have Sunday brunches at my parent’s house after Mass.  We enjoy long conversations, taking walks, and just being together.  Spending time together comes fairly easily for me and my sisters.  (And I say fairly easily because our work schedules are so varied, that there is an almost constant coming and going from our house.)

Post-college, I went from being a semi-independent adult to a completely independent adult.  I found a job a state away from where I grew up, and where most of my mom’s siblings live.  When I moved from home, I was suddenly responsible for not only meals, but also paying the water and electric bills (thankfully my sisters and I share the cost 😉 ), working on the yard, mowing the grass, and doing projects on the house (like the room we re-modeled last year.  I had to find new friends in a new city, find my new niche, and find a parish to call home.

A lot of my relatives live in the same city as me, but I see them mostly at holidays and a few times throughout the year.  I’m pretty close to a couple cousins my age, but other than that, I’m not very close with the relatives who are not my age.  Except my grandpa.  He and I are really close and I visit him almost every week.

My parents.  We’ve almost always been close.  They are my guiding force.  But their guiding force is much different now than it was before and during college. You know, when I was growing up, I made my decisions and choices based, in large part, on their advice.  Post-college, I still seek their guidance, but just not as often or for the same types of things.  I now ask for guidance in things such as finances, car choices, relationships, and job selections.  I deeply value my parents’ wisdom.  So that aspect hasn’t changed much.

My relatives spring on the holiday season as a chance to drill into my personal life.  Ever since high school or thereabouts, the holiday season has been a hard time in regard to my vocation/relationship status.  My relatives, especially one of my good-intentioned uncles, will ask “So are you seeing anyone????” OR “I’m just so surprised that a nice girl like you isn’t taken yet!” OR “How is your love life?”  To which I smile and say, “Time will tell, and it sucks in the meantime, but thanks for asking!” (*Dodge away to go chase the little cousins*)  It is very natural to feel sort of “left behind” when so many of my cousins both my age and younger are engaged or married.

When I get married, the dynamics of my family relationships will change both a lot and a little.  It will change a little insofar as a shift in conversation, which won’t be revolved as much around relationship talk or advice, but more so around growing in marriage and raising a family, and a lot insofar as my sisters and I won’t have each other in such close proximity (since we now share a house 😉 )  I think that will be one of the hardest changes.  We’ve talked about that and how the dynamics will change so much, and we know that it will be hard.  We won’t have late nights, long chats and spontaneous snacking or dance parties like we do now.  There will be a difference in scheduling visits, and perhaps less time with my extended and immediate family with more focus on my husband and growing our domestic church.  I don’t know the details.  I feel very scatter-brained talking about it.  It’s hard to say how the shift in conversation will change in the future.  But one thing I do know.  I love my family and I wouldn’t exchange them for the world.

What are your thoughts on “Adulting”?  Link up with Lindsay to join the conversation.  Don’t forget to leave us some comment love!  We love hearing your thoughts!!!!!

Join me here next week for talking about: Conversation Starters

And last but not least, we are working on the schedule for the rest of October – stay tuned!!

 

 

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4 Responses to “Not Alone Series: Adult Life and Staying Connected”

  1. Lindsay October 8, 2015 at 10:40 pm #

    Wait, you share a house with *four* of your sisters? How many do you have? I am also looking forward to hearing about that post-dance class conversation! I’ve never made it past small talk at my studio.

    I have never really been close to my family, although I wish I were. It would definitely make it easier to talk about the big stuff if we could share the small stuff, too.

  2. Rfog October 8, 2015 at 11:08 pm #

    Hi Lindsay! I actually share a house with three of my four sisters. That was a typo.

    The conversation was realllly good. And encouraging. I hope to write on that topic of conversation soon!

    • Rfog October 8, 2015 at 11:09 pm #

      Ps, we have three brothers too! I love them all very much.

      • Lindsay October 9, 2015 at 4:46 pm #

        Wow, that’s a big family! I always wondered if I would get along with everyone the way my friends from big families get along with their siblings. You must be good friends to share a home so peacefully.

        On Thursday, October 8, 2015, Keeping-It-Real wrote:

        > Rfog commented: “Ps, we have three brothers too! I love them all very > much.”

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