NAS: The Five Love Languages

15 Sep

39637-notalone5

Hello!!!  Welcome to the new season of the Not Alone Series!!

If you are new here, WELCOME!  Thank you for stopping by!  And if you are a returning reader/blogger, WELCOME BACK!

Whether you are single, dating or married, I’m so happy to have you here.  I hope you enjoy the read, and as always, I welcome your input!

If this is your first time reading along with the Not Alone Series, here is a little summary on who we are:

We are a community of women, mostly single, from all over the world, who have come together to share our joys, crosses and blessings as we walk the journey of the single years.

We share our lives through weekly discussions on various topics including (but not limited to) dating, discernment, community,

work, prayer life and social life. (Men, you are welcome to join in the conversation!)

Again, WELCOME to everyone!!

Lindsay and I are so excited to begin as co-hosts for this series.  We’d like to give a HUGE shout-out to Jen and Morgan for recognizing the need for this community of women, and for starting and hosting the Not Alone Series.  Our community has been around for two years now, and we look forward to seeing how it continues to grow.

Without further ado, I’d like to announce this week’s discussion topic: The Five Love Languages

**Please note: the linkups will show up once you click on the link up button at the bottom of the page here.  They do not display below…oops!**)

(Please link-up your blog below and remember to link to Lindsay’s blog as well.  We encourage comments – it’s good to have your input!)

  Here is today’s writing prompt:

Dr. Gary Chapman has outlined five ways people give and receive love in his book The 5 Love Languages.

Take the quiz at 5lovelanguages.com to discover yours! What is your love language?

How does that affect your approach to romantic relationships, family relationships, and friendships?

How do you give and receive love with people who have different love languages?

When I first heard about the five love languages, I was in awe.  Learning about the five love languages has helped me better understand and interact with my family and friends whose love languages are different than mine.  The five love languages are unique and beautiful, so different yet so intertwined.

The Five Love Languages are:

1) Words of Affirmation

2) Gift-giving

3) Acts of Service

4) Quality Time 

5) Physical touch

(Here is the link to learn more about the five love languages.)

(*As a note of interest: True love is freely given and freely received.  Disinterested love gives without expecting anything in return (and it is most genuine when it expects nothing in return.)  I find it quite amazing that love, in its essence, is free.  By that I mean that love is expressed and shared most perfectly when it is freely given (without pressure or manipulation) and freely received (without pressure or manipulation.)  For example, someone who gives a drink of water to another person may expect something in return.  Perhaps the person giving the water hoped that the person receiving the water would say, “Thank you.” It would have been better for the person who is giving the water, to give the water without expecting anything in return.  Generous, “disinterested” love gives without expecting anything in return.  Who are some people who you know or have seen who have a generous and disinterested love?*)

A person can give and receive love in different ways.  There doesn’t have to be a “one size fits all” love language for any given person.  The way that we give and receive love isn’t always the same.  For me, my love languages are slightly different giving and receiving.

  Acts of service is my primary giving love language.  I like to clean the house, do the laundry and sweep the floor to show the other person my love for them.  I will help organize a classroom, bake a special treat, and visit the lonely because I enjoy it and because it’s a little (yet big) way in which I can show my love.  I will go out of my way to help someone because I know how much it means to them, and because I enjoy making people feel loved and appreciated, and because it fulfills me.

My other primary giving love language is words of affirmation.  I like encouraging and affirming others.  It’s another little (yet big) way in which I can show my love for another.  Telling my sisters, “That outfit is super cute!” or “Thank you for dinner.  It was really good.” is a beautiful way to tell them I love them.  For my brothers, when I say, “You’re a terd” is usually a sarcastic, teasing way of saying, “I love you” without actually saying it.  When I tease my brothers, they love it, and when I get their opinion, they feel appreciated.

At work, I like to say to my co-workers “Thank you!” and if I make a mistake, “I’m sorry.”  And on occasion, if one of them needs a little boost, “Thanks for your help with editing.  I really appreciate it” or “I need your expertise.”  Those words show my co-workers that I appreciate them, and it affirms them in what they do.  We all need encouragement at some point or another, right?

My friends are all so different in their love languages.  Some of my friends like watching a movie (quality time), and some like deep conversations (quality time and words of affirmation), while some of my friends are great gift-givers.  They like giving me hand-written cards, or cookies, or home-made bread (gift-giving.)  Some of my friends are huggers and hug everyone, no matter if they just met or if they’ve known each other for a long time (physical touch.)  I, on the other hand, if I just met you, I might not hug you.  I will probably give you a handshake and tell you that it was good to meet you.  But if I’ve known you for a while, you get a hug.  As far as receiving gifts, I must admit that I tend to feel awkward receiving gifts, even though I love it that someone has thought of me and has gotten me a gift.  I tend to feel like I owe the gift-giver something in return for their gift to me.  I’ve been told the best way to receive a gift when you’re not sure how to accept it, to say, “Thank you!”

In regard to romantic relationships, quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch are my number one for receiving.  I greatly admire and respect the man who knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it.  Spending time together, talking about everything, and just being together are wonderful.  I prefer the man to take the lead for holding hands and kisses.  I would feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable if that were up to me.

As far as my love language for giving in a romantic relationship, it would be quality time and words of affirmation.  Romantic relationships are a great setting for learning our own love languages and learning about the others’ love languages.  If you both speak the same love language, you are ahead of the game!

As for my primary receiving love languages, mine are words of affirmation and quality time.  Since words of affirmation is one of my primary love languages, I guess that explains my need to talk about things.  I like to know what’s on your mind, and I like hearing your point of view because I value your opinion.  Sometimes I have a question about something or a hesitation, and it means so much to me to be able to talk about it.  I may not always start the conversation, but when we’re talking, I love it.  And oh how my heart soars when I receive a compliment!!  When someone tells me, “you are so thoughtful” or “thank you for coming!” or “I love you” it means the world to me.

I thrive off of quality time with loved ones.  I enjoy having friends over for dinner, for chatting and catching up.  Sometimes we can sit and just be and enjoy the moment.  And that is beautiful.  On rare occasion, I will ask for a hug.  Sometimes it just makes me feel better to get a hug, knowing that someone is there for me.

Like I mentioned earlier, my family and friends all have different ways they speak love.  My siblings almost all speak “physical touch” and thrive off of tickling, touching, tackling, etc.  That one is growing on me.

Learning about the love languages has helped me better interact with family, friends and co-workers.  By observing how each person communicates and shows their love for each other, it has helped me better speak the love languages of those around me, most especially when it’s one of the languages I’m not as “fluent” in.

That about sums it up!  I can’t wait to hear your take on the Five Love Languages!  Thank you for joining the conversation today.  Before you go, I’d love you to leave me some comment love below 🙂

Next week Lindsay will be hosting our link-up.  Please join us for discussing the topic of dating:

“What Is a Date?  How do you define “going on a date” with a man versus “hanging out” with him or “talking” with him?”

This topic was inspired by Arleen Spenceley’s recent date definition post: http://arleenspenceley.com/date-or-not

Link up to today’s discussion by clicking the button below and be sure to link to Lindsay’s blog post too!

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2 Responses to “NAS: The Five Love Languages”

  1. LauraMarieForLife September 18, 2015 at 9:07 pm #

    Good job hosting for the first time! My languages are the exact same as yours, but I definitely am not as into giving words of affirmation. Still working on getting better at that 🙂

    It can be difficult when people you know have such drastically different ways of expressing that they care, but it helps so much to learn about this! And putting it into practice by learning what other people prefer (and making an effort to love them that way) goes a long way.

  2. Lindsay September 18, 2015 at 11:41 pm #

    I’ve never really thought about breaking down the languages I like to have spoken to me versus the ones I speak. I tend to just speak mine!

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