Heart and Soul

24 Jan

Dear Friends,

I have a prayer request.

 

Lately I’ve been feeling like such a hypocrite.  I pray for the virtues but I act, speak and think way non-virtuously.  Fears of the future have been overwhelming me, and I’m lacking the desire to be Christlike.  Pride and envy and anger are the nasty vices that have crept in and taken me off course.  Yesterday I was so paralyzed with fear and anxiety that I was seriously doubting whether or not I ever wanted to get married.  “Who wants to marry someone like me?”  That’s the perennial question.   Yeah, I am an introvert and I keep my emotions pretty darned bottled up.  I have a hard time talking about my struggles.  I’m not confident with myself.  And then get angry cause I get caught up in my struggles. Yatta yatta yatta.

 

Emotional wounds keep coming up, and I’ve been thinking that I won’t make the cut for being a mother, let alone an emotionally-put-together wife.  Seriously.  I’m sensitive as it is, and being a woman with plenty of emotions . . . .  and being emtional about that.  Yeah.    Then, on top of ALL that: During the past several weeks I’ve learned of friends, relatives and a co-worker who have been going through immense trials, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  My heart and mind have been filled with anxiety, both for them and my own struggles.  Out of respect for these dear people, I won’t share their stories, except for one, who doesn’t mind if I share part of her story in order to ask for prayers:

 

My friend Emily just found out she has a brain tumor.  She had a brain tumor when she was four years old, which was successfully removed.  Now another tumor has been found.  She is getting a second opinion before determining whether or not to have this tumor removed.

 

My mind and heart are in shock and sadness.

 

I would like to ask you to join me in prayer (An Our Father, Hail Mary, ejaculation, a visit to Adoration, or a prayer of your choosing) for five special intentions, one for each of these people, including myself. We are the Body of Christ on earth, so of course being part of His body we must suffer, as did the Body of Christ during His Passion and death.    Who knew that Christ’s Cross was such a heavy Cross?  So many worries, fears, temptations and stresses have been on my mind.  I’ve been praying the Rosary to pray for the grace to grow in holiness.  Golly.  The desire for holiness is hard. You know, I feel like a hypocrite.  I can put on the “face” and keep my calm for the most part and act like everything is alright. .  but tonight I just lost it and cried like a baby.

 

I went to the Chapel and made a visit.  He knows the Cross.  He knows the way.  He shows us the Way to get to Him.    Please join me in prayer. Not only for myself, but for those who are close to my heart who have their share of crosses to carry.  Prayer is my go – to.  I won’t forget that God is in control.  I pray for the grace to keep on keeping on, even when, and most especially when, the going gets tough.
Know of my prayers for you too.

 

Peace,

Rachel

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7 Responses to “Heart and Soul”

  1. Joan January 24, 2014 at 8:17 am #

    Rachel! Praying for you and your dear friend, Emily! I am so sorry to hear that her tumor came back. You are an amazing woman!!!!! I hope you have a great day/weekend!!!!

    • Rfog January 24, 2014 at 5:39 pm #

      Thank you so much, Joan. Your prayers and encouragement mean so much! You are an amazing woman yourself.

  2. Laura @ Life is Beautiful January 26, 2014 at 8:23 pm #

    Rachel…my heart hurts for you and with you. Hold on, friend. Let us be your Mark Chapter 2 sisters. We’ll hold you for now and take you to the Healer. It will get better. I promise.

    Here are some of my favorite blogspots I’ve ever written– born from heartache…picked them out for you, esp the first two. Hugs!

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2011/02/im-learning.html

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2012/11/still-here.html

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2010/11/giving-him-pieces.html

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2011/01/setting-captives-free.html

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2011/05/journey.html

    http://only-annegirl.blogspot.com/2012/12/go-and-be-healed_16.html

    • Rfog January 27, 2014 at 9:39 pm #

      Laura, my sweet friend. Thank you. ❤

  3. theveilofchastity January 27, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    I will be p.Praying for your friend Emily. And you, Rachel, continue to be lifted up each time in my Divine Mercy Chaplet. All your fears are normal. Peace be with you, Cindy

    p.s. Can’t wait to check out Laura’s posts above!

    • Rfog January 27, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

      Cindy, thank you for all your prayers. The posts from Laura are JUST what I needed. More tears shed, but good tears.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Night out with FUN | Keeping-It-Real - January 29, 2014

    […] able to be more positive cause of all your prayers.  Still feeling emotional and overwhelmed from all that’s been going on, but somehow these past couple days I’ve been able to move past the negative feelings a bit […]

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